


Haikus and Rhapsodies From the Outer Rim: Volume 1

by OuterRimTales



Series: Haikus and Rhapsodies From the Outer Rim [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Metahumor, Multiple Crossovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6371068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OuterRimTales/pseuds/OuterRimTales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first collection of poems gathered from bitterly humorous wanderers in the Outer Rim who have witnessed the history of the galaxy and its most important figures alongside interactions with other realms unknown to most travelers. Surveyors are currently hard at work attempting to compile more of these poems for a second volume and remain fascinated by the humorous takes on the darkest periods in galactic history. Alas, these same surveyors are also preoccupied with deciphering a work of prose believed to be a prediction of the conflict between the First Order and the Resistance. Until then, enjoy the first of volume of haikus and rhapsodies from the Outer Rim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haikus and Rhapsodies From the Outer Rim: Volume 1

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if the work looks weird. I'm still figuring out the formatting when it comes to HTML.

"The Force Is Not Strong With Me"  
I am not a Sith.  
I am not a Jedi Knight.  
I am so normal.

"Jakku"  
Planet of Jakku.  
Home of the scavenger Rey.  
Discount Tattooine.

"Boba Fett"  
Best bounty hunter.  
Five lines and one blaster shot.  
Eaten by Sarlacc.

"Kylo Ren"  
This was Ben Solo.  
Became emo little brat.  
Now he’s Kylo Ren.

"Hands"  
Anakin no hands.  
Luke lost only one damn hand.  
Ben wants to lose hands.

"Prequel Rhapsody"  
Is this the real Sith?  
Is this the Separatists?  
Trade and politics.  
No escape from George Lucas.

"First Order Rhapsody"  
Is this the Empire?  
Is this the First Order?  
Stormtroopers hit now.  
No escape from the Space Nazis.

"Maz Kanata (Written by Yoda)"  
Wannabe, you are.  
Guide and teach new squad, you must.  
Finn especially.

"The Jedi Way"  
Sith wins, Yoda leaves.  
New Jedi destroyed, Luke leaves.  
Order strikes, Rey fights.

"US"  
Rey Jedi Daughter!  
Stormpilot is my damn life!  
Emo Kylo Ren!

"Rey"  
Stronger than she knows.  
Beat Kylo Ren with eyes closed.  
She’s not Luke’s daughter.

"Gollum"  
You call him Gollum.  
He had a lava growth spurt.  
Supreme Leader Snoke.

"Bill Weasley"  
This is Bill Weasley.  
He received quite the haircut.  
That’s General Hux.

"Death Star Rhapsody"  
Is this the Death Star?  
Is this the second one?  
Starkiller’s real big.  
No escape from those tiny holes.

"Qui-Gon Jinn"  
He saved Jar Jar Binks.  
He rescued the Chosen One.  
He really screwed up.

"Delayed on Ahch-To"  
Rey held lightsaber.  
Luke thought, “Power converters.”  
Rey thought, “From Tosche.”

"Nerds on Ahch-To"  
Rey held lightsaber.  
Luke’s eyes lowered in sadness.  
Not mint anymore.

"Finn"  
Stormtrooper since birth.  
Raised to kill without question.  
Liked by everyone.

"Captain Phasma"  
Looks like a badass.  
Walks and talks like a badass.  
Lands trash compactor.

"Galactic Boy Bands"  
Give a warm welcome  
The Lads From the Resistance  
And the Knights of Ren!

"Kylo Ren Learns the Truth!"  
I deserve respect!  
“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and-”  
No… (lightsaber)... NO!!!!

"Padmé and Leia"  
First journey: big hair.  
Second journey: lots of white.  
Third journey: ...steps back.

"Droids"  
C3P0 whines.  
R2D2 hit Death Star.  
BB8 rolling.

"Anakin’s Lightsaber (What Goes Around Comes Back Around)"  
First hand: Mace Windu  
Second hand: Luke Skywalker  
Third hand: Anakin

"Star Wars Fans"  
Originals: LIFE  
Prequels: Expo-politics.  
Sequels: Same movies!  
Me: Jar Jar, he a so bye bye.  


**Author's Note:**

> Before I get to the inspiration behind this work and what to expect in the future, I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read it. I'm currently experiencing a block right now in terms of the poems, and I'm focusing on an actual story that will take up a lot of time. So Volume 2 may take a while to get going.  
> I'm not a fan of poetry. I respect it for its beauty and the free reign it offers to writers, but three years in a row of analyzing poetry and ripping my hair out most of the time has made me pretty adverse to it. But I got the idea for the volume one day in English class when my teacher told me and my classmates to write haikus as a warm up (she needed to set up for the day, and we never discussed haikus afterwards). I decided to write one for "Star Wars" (the first poem), and I ended up writing several more over the course of a couple weeks. Everyone who read them loved them, so I kept writing them.  
> I wasn't going to initially post this as my first work. My original intentions were to post the prologue for my story "Star Wars Episode VIII: A Clash In the Shadows" first, but that is taking a while because I'm trying to make sure all the pieces fit. Plus my profile has been dormant for the past two weeks, and I want to give you guys something fun to read. Hopefully, you'll enjoy them as much as I enjoyed writing them. Oh and I know the last poem isn't a haiku or a rhapsody, but I couldn't resist putting it in.


End file.
